YgYzYs83: i still think you're beautiful :-D
YgYzYs83: and i think about that a lot
YgYzYs83: heh

awwww i think im falling for him...like totally..tho it's jess friends wit benefits now im starting to wonder if i want more and im starting to ask myself whether or not he'd take me back after being wit jing in the midst of our lil breakup break thing. everything's soooo not real without him or is it jess how the quarter's going? i have no idea and i don't wanna yank him back and forth

i hardly ever see jon now but wen i do and wen i do hang out wit him its really awesome...which is why its so sad cus we hardly talk and hardly hang out..i hope this doesnt affect my relationship wit godman in any way cus he is sooo awesome..do u ever git that feeling in the pit of ur stomach that says yea connie ur gonna screw this one over like ya did the last! great feeling yea i kno..its going on 7 weeks now..well see it was sept 30 wen he found out i liked him on the tracks of drake stadium and nov 1 that we officially became boi and girl or boyfriend and girlfriend..its hard for me to say still but is it cus i dont wanna admit it to myself or is it because im still new at this and adjusting to everything? hmm sumpin to ponder hey heyyy

i found this wen i was deleting crap from my comp
This may sound really minor but a friend of mine, Jon, got me a single long-stemmed rose. I was talking on the phone with him about something that had been bothering me that day. His roommate Stephen had to go to Ralphs and he had to leave right in the middle of our conversation which meant that Jon had to leave also. Well Jon felt really bad for ditching me even though I didn't think anything of it. Honestly I said "No, no don't worry about it. Go ahead." After they returned from the market Jon told me he got me something. I got all giddy thinking he had bought me a toy or something fun. So I went over to his room and he said "It's on the bed." I saw a rose and since I'm such a kidder I said "Where is it? I don't see it." So Jon looks at the bed and he makes this face at me because of course it is on the bed. Although I don't come off as the whole sentimental type, I really am and the rose meant a lot to me and it still does.

hmm..the who..i was rereading my last entry and i kno i dont need a who but wouldn't life be so much easier if there was a who. time, i've been passing time this whole summer is wat it feels like..not as bad as 3rd quarter..this summer is definitely he lesser of the two..hardships and pain but its still pretty empty..i did however find that i enjoy talking with erwin, serious stuff too and it's refreshing..the lets see monday sunday and possibly saturday were not fun at all for me..i was in a lil depression and just a terrible state of mind..i seriously did not know how long it would take me to git out of it but i dint want to do anything at all..there wasn't a single thing that i looked forward to..it was weird tho cus on friday i scraped my arm and there was some blood and it was painful but its like i almost enjoyed the pain and it was a distraction and something out of the ordinary to keep me busy and occupied for a little bit, my reaction to this disturbed me a little..i have so much time to reflect and think at work and at home and i was thinking of this problem i have with relatiionships in general..i cannot sustain any meaningful long-lasting relationships is basically it. sometimes theres been an excuse for why i go from groups of friends to groups of friends and other times it has to do with a fight or a falling out...i want some long term friends and im still searching for that group that i can't seem to find..mebe its there and im too stupid to figure it out is all..i dont kno anymore

out of sight out of mind is wat's best whether I wanna admit it or not...i screwed things up and i jess had to kill it..there was an inkling of a chance that we might be good/koo friends next year but my not knowing and having to know which one it was made me fugg it up..well at least there'll be nothing at ucla that i'll miss going into the summer..of course i'll miss him cus i miss him now..wat i mean is now i kno there's not sumpin wonderful or something that could be wonderful waiting for me here! why i do the things i do..keep me acting like a fool..im the ultimate chump..i need a kyootie to pick me up sumpin to make me wanna come back to UCLA..charles where are u wen i want u? im a fun person i am and i kno it..it jess depends when but more importantly around who..the WHo

Its Bacon Bits: hey me and christine wre talking about you yesterday
kin kyo gchi nky: yay?
kin kyo gchi nky: good job?
Its Bacon Bits: we were saying you've got this dope energy about you
Its Bacon Bits: and we both like ya

I don't want this
remember that
I'll never forget where you're at
I'm never alone
I'm alone all the time
are you at one
or do you lie
could have been easier on you
I couldn't change though I wanted to
could have been easier by three
our old friend fear and you and me
don't let the days go by
I needed you more
when we wanted us less
if I treated you bad
it might just be
clear simple and plain
that's just fine
that's just one of my names
-bush kinda sorta

non-stop connie more like non-stop hurting..will things ever be the same?

MOI

Disorder | Rating
Paranoid: Low
Schizoid: Low
Schizotypal: High
Antisocial: High
Borderline: Moderate
Histrionic: High
Narcissistic: High
Avoidant: Moderate
Dependent: High
Obsessive-Compulsive: Moderate