to combat feeling bad about myself and my recent actions, im doing a lil experiment (taking an oath more like it)..im putting off boys and hooking up and all that nonsense for like a month. with my extra time i will hopefully be working, studying extra hard but mainly focusing on myself..remembering my values, finding the girl i once was..the good parts of her like the independent and i dont need a man type of girl girl..sure i guesss the drought and then the past months have balanced or canceled each other out..so i no longer have to wonder what im missing..it felt really good talking with jing and laughing with him..i mean he thinks im witty and funny and stuff..even if im a lil tease..i underestimated him tho..anytime hes ever been wit a girl like that he's been involved in a relationship wit them..whereas im jess playin around and that is worse! i no longer think that im such a bad person, i jess realized that im gonna be continually working on myself..im like a car..sometimes i need a lil tune-up and maintenance and this is one of those times..

i did done bad....but i deserve this moco since i was a jerk face yesterday. yupp they went to play badmiddon without moi..to think? yea i kno.but i messed wit jon's lady yesterday..all my troubles seemed so far away..but my actions caught up to me..i couldn't study either which was bad..but once again i deserve it..why u ask? first of all, i went past the line..i was so far past the line that i couldn't see the line..the line was just a dot..not even a whole dot but a halfa dot since i have one bad eye..dat's why im connie the pirate and that's why i wear a patch..they bout to call me patch adams onlee for me its jess patch! i need to reform my ways and love my friends more..ima make dem all valentine cards..its gonna bee saweet like honey..

it feels really good being able to be happy for jon..im glad i am not bitter or jealous. lately i been feelin like a horrible person, and just being able to not focus on myself and think only about myself feels right.and the other day, sarah told me bout her ex and im shure that everything i had to say she's heard already but it seemed like for her jess to talk and have someone there was helpful and im glad..im sad shes going through all of this but seeing her handle it all kinda gives me hope for me when im feelin like mierda..nam and i actually talked yesterday..i really enjoy talking to him, and i relaly miss it sometimes but i seriously dont think i like him anymore...i like being in his arms at night and sometimes i wish we could show some PDA (public displays of affection) instead of PDV (public displays of violence) hahaa yea i jacked that frum bebs..but i dont want everything wit him..i want him to show that he cares..and he did..go nam u win

CrazyFlipz12: connie the pirate
KINKYOGCHINKY: im not a pirate! ahha
CrazyFlipz12: arrrrrrrrrrr

hes adorable..jon b..im glad he likes aya, she's sweet and innocent & he's innocent too! hahaa..im glad that nothing happened between him and meeh..haha i was plucking his eyebrows last nite..it was funny but thats wen i felt like planting a wet one on him..thats horrible i kno..but yea i feel like i did something good today..he did the sweetest thing tho, cuz i cried all throughout i am sam and he wiped my tear away like twice..haha.at this point in my life, he's too good for me in a sense, i wouldn't want to fuck with our friendship now cuz its really cool! i made his bed and cleaned his room like his mom but yea its all good..fcuk i gotta work on my shiz!