i feel bad cuz i used the I GOT MY PERIOD rite now card to get out of doing something which was going to dinner wit jeff..but anywhose..im sitting here looking at wat jon got me and i was gitting all scurred these past days cuz i thought maybe i like like him..but i sooo miss his company cuz he's the coolest! wat the hek am i gonna do without him next year..garsh! i always git confused wen something ends and something new begins..next quarter's lookin good so far! wen did i git so dependent on my floor? i cant even go out without them..they are such a big part of my life now..memo will be back tmw morning..i wanna visit dem over spring break and eat somewhere reallllllly good..im trippin bout where to live next year tho..i initially wanted to live at sproul but all of dem wanna live at dykstra..i wanna be near but iono if i wanna be on the same floor..that's a toughy! cuz i wanna make new friends but wat if that all doesn't work out, i wanna be able to chill till 3 or 4 in the morning and not be scared going back to wherever my room's at!

im in that mood again where i wanna cry a lil bit..but my eye jess gits a bit teary and goes away..its like i can feel every hair standing up and every lil ache in my shoulders..i feel like i should be so happy, and its not like im not, but im a lil sad and i want to cry is all..i dont feel like a bad person anymore..and im semi-comfortable wit how everything is..it was soo nice chillin wit jeff..jess that lil flirtatious thing we had goin on was fun yanno? but other than that i cant be myself around him..or even if i am he doesnt gitit..or like i'll be paying attention but i'll act like im not..why do ii do that? is it because i dont want him to like me? sounds about rite..i kno i dont like him and im pretty sure that i wont in the future either but i like his friends..not like like where i wanna hook up but he's gotta nice group and i guess that's partly why i wanna be part of his life..to meet his friends? argh im an awful awful person..shiet..which is prolly why i should go to his banquet to make up for all that so yea..i dont wanna string jing along..he made a comment the last time i was over and it made me sad and i wanted to reassure after that..wat was it? why am i asking? i kno wat it was..it was something like 'u never wanna kiss me' implying that i didnt wanna look at his face cuz maybe i thought it was unattractive which i sooo dont..he's got dem lucious ass lips..makes me wanna suck on them..i will never be able to let anyone see this will i? i missed the open house today for the freshman honor societ..kurap i really wanted to go too! jon b got me a rose..it was like the sweetest thing ever..i never gotten a flower before..he makes me feel bad sometimes tho..its not his fault..its jess that he's such a good person that it makes me realize that im not..